Two of a Kind
by Karre
Summary: Contained within are some extreemly original couples. This could be extreemly unhealthy. This could also be extreemly funny. Enter at you own risk.
1. Default Chapter

Hey hey! Me and my buddy J-chan were chatting on the phone the other day and started talking about terrible pairings in different animes. We started to get a real kick out of some of the Megami pairings and I thought about how much fun it would be to write these. And so here they are!  
Warnings: There are uber-warnings on this puppy. HET, YOAI, and YURI abound! Lemons, Limes, or something damn near them! There is rampant OOC-ness!   
Oh oh-I almost forgot! And today's lucky couple is...(drumroll, please)...Hiead and the Pink Nurse! ::groans from audience:: I know, isn't it terrible? ::evil grin::   
Please don't flame me if you happen to like these couples, everyone is entitled to their opinion and this happens to be mine. Please take everything here with a grain of salt, this is supposed silly, stupid and somewhat amusing. Anyways, enjoy-or at least try to! Backward and downward!  
*Blah*=thoughts  
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Hiead mentally groaned as he made his was down a familiar corridor. He hated checkups. He cringed at the thought of dealing with those damn nurses. He may have been the reigning title holder for Scariest Person on GOA, but he got some real competition from those two. They were always so cheery and happy, no matter how he might try to torment them. It was just…freaky. He never like doctors and hospitals and needles to begin with but now he tried to avoid injury like the plague.   
He blew a sigh as he opened the door. He looked around. There was the pink nurse. The green one didn't seem to be around. He knew that they must have names, but nobody ever called them by name, whatever they might be, except for maybe Dr. Rill. But he's never heard her call them either. He rolled his eyes at himself, *Let's get this over with!*  
As if on cue she spun around, "Hiead Gner?" Hiead nodded. "Please strip and enter the chamber," she said tilting her head in the direction of the gel chamber. Hiead nodded again and waited for her to leave. She didn't, instead she walked behind a desk and started to write something.   
Hiead growled and bent to take off his boots when he noticed the scratching of the pen had stopped. Peering between his legs revealed that the nurse was staring raptly at his ass. Hiead growled again, then smirked. *She wants a show does she? I'll give her a show.* As he removed his shoes he wiggled his hips just slightly, enough to draw attention, but not so much as to think he was doing it on purpose.  
With his footwear removed, he slowly stood up. He ran his hands around from the back of the collar of his shirt to the front. He glanced over at the wall beside him and played with the zipper for a few seconds before pulling it slowly down, making sure that it slipped of his shoulders as he did so it displayed his chest.   
The nurse had a spectacular view since Hiead has shifted so that she could see his profile. She now concurred with all the Hiead fan-girls in the universe- Hiead had damn fine profile. The pen fell out of her hands and she could only stand there with her mouth hanging open.  
Hiead was beginning to enjoy this, the little exhibitionist that he was. His hands went to his shorts and he slipped his thumbs under the waist band.   
The nurse could barely contain herself, it couldn't get much better than this.   
Hiead smirked and yanked them down to his ankles stepping out of them quickly and walking to the chamber at a good clip, wiggling his hips. He entered the chamber and it began to fill.  
The nurse suppressed a whine once Hiead revealed that he was wearing boxers. She ran the test even as she was plotting ways to get those shorts off.   
Once the chamber was drained, he strode out and towards his pile of clothes, but stopped halfway when someone called his name. When Hiead turned he was greeted by a sight few had ever seen. The nurse was straddling the desk completely naked. Hiead, never one to ask questions or refuse a good boinking, ran at her, knocking her off the desk. He proceeded to ravage her as she pulled them into a standing position.   
Hiead walked them over to the first surface available, which was an examination table, never letting up on his assault. But just before he could lay them on it, she turned and threw him down with surprising strength. Before he could open his mouth she strapped him to the table. She stood before him swinging a stethoscope from a limp hand. "So you like it rough do you?"  
***  
  
Hiead lay on the table, tossing his head as a woman leaned over him. Dr. Rill stood back and looked at Hiead again. "You've managed to break six ribs! How did you do that?"   
"Nurse," Hiead groaned.  
"It's a good thing she found you too! Have you been in another fight with Zero? You boys are so completive. It's fun and games until someone gets hurt!" Hiead could only groan.  
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::Cowering as J-chan holds back a very pissed Hiead:: Well, hehe, I have just proved my theory that bad couples are dangerous to a characters health. Please review me! Review me if you liked! Review me if you hated it! Review just to tell Hiead that bruises and bandages do not mar his looks. ::J-chan struggling to hold back Hiead any longer:: Uh, gotta go bye! ::runs::  
~Kaylee 


	2. Silence is a Virtue- A Quiet Zero is a B...

Hey hey! Well, my friends I'm back-::groans and curses from the audience:: and I have chapter two! :shrieks, cries, and gnashing of teeth from said audience:: So with out further ado, I present… the warnings!  
Warnings: There are uber-warnings on this puppy. HET, YOAI, and YURI abound! Lemons, Limes, or something damn near them! There is rampant OOC-ness!   
Today's Pairing is Zero and Yu! This means Yoai! You have been warned, no flames on that please.  
Now that that's out of the way, I hope you realize that I do not own Megami or it's characters. I don't have much to my name so if you sue me, all you will get is a malfunctioning laptop and a ratty sweater. And now… Backward and Downward!  
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Zero was leaning against the banister ogling the Goddesses. He felt eyes looking him up and down. Though not an unusual feeling, he thought that he was alone in the hangar. He spun slowly, a grin in place for his audience.   
Zero really didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't Yu Hikura. His smile broadened and he walked over. He decided to make some conversation, "Hey, I'm Zero, I'm gonna pilot the White Goddess. You pilot the one called the Tella Kalisto, right?" He paused for a reply and didn't get one. "The strong silent type, huh? That's good, I like a guy that keeps you guessing. And I'm guessing you like me-"  
As Zero's incredible gift for gab took over Yu had to stop himself from almost sighing. This Zero guy was so annoying Yu found himself almost having a reaction. "-so maybe we should talk-" Ten minutes later Yu was frantically trying to figure out how to shut him up. This spoke volumes for Zero's ability to converse with himself. "-bit more private than this, or maybe-" Another five minutes and Yu could barely string to coherent thoughts together, much like Zero. Like a drowning man making that last hopeful grab for the surface, Yu reached out and grabbed Zero by the shoulders, pulling him into a firm kiss.   
When Yu stepped back, he was pleased to see Zero's mouth agape, opening and closing like a fish with no sound coming out. Just before relief could settle in, "Wow!" Yu never felt like crying so much in his life. "That was amazing. Wow." He panted, then smiled, "But then what did I expect from a Goddess pilot? I think that-"   
*Oh Goddess, Shut up!* "-after dinner-" With a passion born of desperation Yu flung himself at Zero, shoving him up against a wall. Yu ravished Zero's mouth continuously to a mental mantra of "Shut up! Shut up!"   
Yu broke the kiss, but was disappointed to see Zero was not as dazed as before. Zero grinned and kissed Yu again deeply. In the recesses of his mind Yu was secretly doing the happy dance while singing "He shut up! He shut up!"  
Zero began to run his hands over Yu's chest. This brought Yu back to the present. *He's not going to-Oh shit! In the middle of the hallway? Dammit! What do I do NOW?* Yu was resigned to his fate when his eyes lit up with sudden inspiration.   
Zero's hands went to the hem of Yu's shirt. Yu shifted and shook his head. He led him into a broom closet, locking the door behind him.  
***  
  
The door of the closet opened, very slowly, as if to avoid notice. Yu poked out his head and glanced around. Satisfied that nobody was around, he permitted himself a small smile and walked out. He looked back with a contented air to see Zero bound and gagged, his eyes bulging in the effort to talk. His smile never fading, he closed the door and walked off in search of his sister.   
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Well, that was installment two. If you liked it, review! If you hated it, review! If you just don't care, what are you still doing here? But review me anyway. Now then, I have nothing else to say for this bit of insanity. Good luck and good night. ::Bows::  
~Kaylee 


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